I was late for this one so I missed the entrance. Tonight, the theme seemed to be a vampire film that has a huge romance story in a palace. Seems like the title for this episode is “I found it in the bushes!” for this romance. (They didn’t come back to this name!) Does it relate to the title, not really but as we know it all seems to be a little ridiculous. The spin seems to be the most unexpected use of a blizzard and an award for the most dramatic opening of an umbrella. The other spinner is the best corpse by a corpse. Let’s see what happens with these and unfortunately no sloth or Toxic Joe tonight!
In the palace of Versailles, the King of France speaks to his vampire daughter. Being a royal nerd, I might want to point out that Versailles wasn’t built until the 18th century not the 16th but let’s see if they make it work. Will they be singing in this show? We will find out. The teenage vampire Esmerelda the over angsty teenager wants to human. Yet they are in France with Transylvania accents. I love this mix up.
The show has to be stopped to remind the cast that during a pandemic, spitting in each other’s mouth was a little inappropriate. Then enters the servant Igor, loses his arm and continues to wander in and out of the scenes not really sure what to do. They address the strangeness and talk about the vampire hunters who killed their mothers like hissing cats? Esmerelda’s best friend is an American bat who can speak. They discuss how more than anything she wants to do is meet a human and she and the bat are going to go off in hunt of some humans.
Across the field is a man and his son living in a house while the entire cast pretend to be a fold down door. This includes a massage feature and buttons in the 16th century. After nearly knocking over the actors they reveal that they are vampire hunters after his mother was killed by vampire even though she didn’t believe in them. Despite this not being a musical, tonight there is going to be more amazing singing. Let’s see if Henry Shields is allowed to sing after last night’s line crossing. The song is about How to kill a vampire. No inappropriate lines, its such a sweet number and nothing went wrong. How did they pull that off this time? Can Henry Lewis and Henry Shields do a number together?
Esmerelda goes out looking for a human through the woods and suddenly they end up in space and then end up back in the woods. She talks about how she wants to just meet someone. Somehow the bat (Batly) has spell on him just like a frog, maybe he is the one that she has been waiting for all of this time. Instead of landing at the little house they accidently flew across the channel and landed in London and the bat actor was accidently revealed. PRICELESS. You can just hear Henry Lewis laughing in the background.
Out in the street are some food salesmen who all look like they have wet their trousers. Then comes the most dramatic opening of the umbrella enters as she has to hide from the sun showing that she is of royalty. The boys name is Sean. The poor sandwich seller imparts her wisdom before randomly stabbing herself and dying which starts tempting Esmerelda who struggles to resist the temptation. Esmerelda notices how lovely Sean’s neck is and the whole cast start to notice the wonderful sight that is his neck that we can barely see beneath his collar and beard.
Igor alerts the King that Esmerelda is missing after a little bit of awkward scene where Igor followed her to bring her father a human but he tattled on her. Oh, wait they are now pushing the line. Please cross it! I’m dying with laughter during this whole scene as poor IGOR has forgotten the whole story line with the pair of them not getting anywhere without the direction of Oscar. Igor does some interpretive smoke sounds while they hide but I am surprised they can see anything with all the smoke.
After the most pathetic fire and extinguish where the random fire man basically spat on it. Keith and Sean have a heart to heart by the fire which still isn’t out about how he randomly fell in love with a girl called Esmerelda. In the background she arrives to see Sean and Keith admiring a silver bullet. But where is the King. They start to take a photograph together after she has been invited in and they capture her. But waiting in the background was her father and unsubtle Igor. Her father rescues her with some random magical powers which I’m not quite sure happened her rescued him. Apparently, everyone stalks everyone in these families and know all that is going on.
Sean is given an ultimatum by Keith to avenge his mother’s death as the pair of them get completely mixed up with who’s who. The ghost of his mother comes to give him some advice. Poor Sean has to respond to a distance voice. He asks if he should kill her, and in the whole scene there is a lot of giggling in the background. Esmerelda is going to be punished by the summoning of the blizzard. She looks like she is enjoying it more than anything as she is spun around by the cast. Afterwards she admits her love for him and her father is going to kill him.
Her father needs to stop Sean killing Esmerelda as if they have true loves socially distanced hand shake, she will no longer be a vampire. The story comes to a head as he breaks into the palace and is confronted by the different vampire. Igor gets in his way as useless as always fighting on his knees. Has he used his silver bullet? Igor dies with the words you are bad as the King walks in and bring s him down with his strange music. Batly dies in the fight being sliced in half. Her father gives her an ultimatum. I have to admit Henry Shields is much better as a baddie than a love sick Captain.
Esmerelda kills her own father who gets finished off by Sean, no wait it’s Keith they got it mixed up again! Keith gives Sean his hat back by throwing it across the room but missing him completely and gets called a Prick but the bodies. You can’t miss them all laughing on the floor despite looking away from the camera. Batly is off to Blackpool. Hang on Petunia had more complications in her death after being attacked by a vampire despite not believing in them Keith divorces her seconds before she goes. Now back to the main show for the closing song.
Suddenly there is a curse breaker that despite not being the true loves hand shake enters her heart and turns her back into a human. With the curse breaker looking really serious in the background and her father randomly walking onto the set and dancing off after not managing to contribute anything. Priceless. They start a ballad called in my life, which for being winged (see the pun for the action of the actors) which is pretty good. I think this one is much better. What an ending to the show with the music, the pianist killed it again but what a shame there were no real inappropriate lines. IT was a sweet and very cheesy. What a wonderful show that seemed to go with hardly any a hick.
Highlight was definitely the blizzard and getting the characters mixed up. Get toxic Joe in that Blizzard!