Oh my word, after the lunacy of last night. What on earth have we gotten ourselves into as we eagerly await the show to begin with Nancy as Emmy and Jonathon joining the cast of improvers. With a beautiful start of looking at the wrong camera. It was a shame to see that there would be no Kershaw tonight to finally evoke his revenge on the tirade of abuse he has quite rightly faced from the directors chair but that was not to happen. But all of the cast favourites were there.
The genre for the night was an 80s slasher movie which seemed to be quite popular with the cast set at a dog competition. Obviously cruft’s in the 80s with the quite pornographic title Nightmare on Bone Street. The cast voted for this one and as demonstrated last night they will be thinning the line of family friendly and it will probably fly out of the window in the final two performances.
The show started with a pair of dog trainers who were secretly a couple in the park watching some of the potential competitors training their dogs. They have the prinniest and priciest dogs and enter Jonathon as a shiatsu and his owner Gideon. They currently live under a bridge and can’t afford the entry fee but Sparky the dog has been shown before.
The couple Mr Tube and Mr Pipe (of course!) offer to pay his entry fee by handing it penny by penny to Gideon which gets fast forwarded by Nancy. Some of the skills of the dogs are laughing at comedic rhythms which he has no idea how to do and speak Spanish which he doesn’t know how to do either. Bryony’s dog can apparently speak Swahili which is borderline racially insensitive.
They cut away to under the bridge where Gideon talks to Sparky about making sure that they win. Sparky however is forced to do a tap dance and do the splits by which he takes off his shoe and puts it on the end of a stick but it doesn’t quite work the first time! Sparky still can’t talk and just has to play along with the utter nonsense that every one else suggests.
After being yelled at by Nancy suddenly his voice comes up and he talks about the abuse of his past as his old owners won by breaking the rules and stabbing. Jonathon breaks into song about his past. I was anticipating that it would be awful but the beginning was a light a musical number until Gideon starts to harmonise and the notes go out the window setting the tone for the rest of the singing for the night. Meanwhile the rest of the cast are gleefully stabbing each other in the background.
At the show, the dogs enter the stage with Jonathon sporting a collar that puts the whole cast in a bit of a strange awkward feeling. Oscar prances around the stage in the weirdest way a bit like a hip hop dancer and is followed by the two pedigree dogs who suddenly collapse on the stage with their entrails falling out having been sliced before they left the stage. Nancy rewinds the whole scene to have it being repeated but who is the slasher?
Gideon and Sparky are sent down to the basement where there is a creepy talking tumble dryer. It speaks very slowly in unison before not giving any information away and revealing a useless fact needed for later on. But Sparky volunteers to get washed. He gets hosed off with a jet and then tumble dried by being chucked around by the other cast members. Then they go onto to play catch with him. Poor Bryony nearly drops him and he gets thrown properly between Dave and Henry Lewis which shows a good amount of strength. Too funny and I was relieved he wasn’t dropped on his head.
Back in the manor of the two lead dog owners they discuss how one of them had to be the slasher. But the whole cast play different furniture pieces including a dodgy massage chair and Henry Lewis as a sofa he calls an Armoire. They get ordered to interact with them and while discussing the slasher on henry’s lap the sheet falls down to him trying not to laugh and has the sequence repeating to hilarity. It is then pointed out that an Armoire is a Wardrobe!
Sparky appears begging for Gideon to stop with his lead which throws the cast off and has Dave begging him to take it off for his own sanity! The slasher appears and kills Mr Pipe and it turns out the slasher was Gideon all along. He and Mr Tube face off as the whole cast bar Sparky and the Armoire are left with no idea what is going on.
The Armoire gets murdered? And then Sparky with the last harmonies being held until they can match but it never comes and just gets worse and worse. Until they slash each other but Mr Pipe jumps up as Mr tube is dying to utter confusion and the lights fall with half the cast crying and utterly maddened.
What magicalism. No Harry but Oscar will be back tomorrow for his revenge on the casts revenge. I can’t believe these are finishing and who knows what will be in store tomorrow.
theloneswift.com 
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