Trilogy Day: Ashopolipse Now!

So, after sequel Sunday got cancelled, we are on the edge of our seats for the start of the apocolyse movie. Starting in the high street store with our favourite improvisers and hopefully a lot less faeces! Steffanie and Jack are hauled up in a Greggs watching out of the mutants coming after them. Every day for a year they had watched out at sunrise; only staying in Greggs and eating a year-old sausage rolls.

Sybil and Jordan are out there in the rubble looking for some lost people. They are a couple but Sybil has been with someone else and they go back to the barricade broken hearted. This might be the best coupling I’ve seen. The barricade has some strange people in there who can no longer control themselves due to the mutation including a random umbrella that erects itself (Lewis) between Sybils legs. Turns out Jordan is actually a woman in a random strange change of events. They are held up on their mission to sing happy birthday to someone according to the prophecy which Oscar pauses for to yell at everyone for going off on such a random tangent already.

I think the casts aim or Dave Hearns is to make this as weird and chaotic a film as possible. Not sure how Oscar is going to cope through three of these. The leaders have lost their way trying to find their daughter Steffanie who went to find waterstones a whole year ago and she never came back. They describe the lead mutant while trying to get a close up of the mutant, so close that the screen just goes black and there might even be a nose print of the camera.

Sybal and Jordan make a deal with the leiutenant and his wifeJolene (repeat x3) while poor Kershaw gets trolled by Lewis erectign the umbrella at inapproriate times. Even Oscar didn’t pause this display as it is boredline family friendly. Jordan wants to go out and find Steffanie and sing her happy birthday.

Steffanie and Jack leave Greggs and go out into the night as the mutants can’t see in the dark. They get caught by mutant X and hide from him pretending to be beavers which seems to check out. Quote and quote followed by the worst song that Oscar has ever heard. A scottish woman comes and tries to rob them off their pastries and curly wurlys but fails and gets everything taken off her including her gun instead. She appears later on getting more and more ridiculous.

Followed by a Dolly Parton inspired song about Carolina, Jack’s mother which is pretty good. Oscar had absolutely no criticisms about it. On their journey they find more mutants and a wound attracts the mutants, they grab Steffanie away. Jolene comes across Jack and realise they are looking for the same thing, but as the sun comes up they his in a phone booth very close together and squished in by everyone else. Turns out Jack and Jolene have a bit of a flirtation going on.

Meanwhile Steffanie is trapped in Waterstones with the mutants, all the mutants are all ex Waterstones employees. They are weird camp mutants in strange voices all lead by mutant X, Steff reads the diary of mutant X which shows his intentions. Turns out mutant X was Lawrence DeLillo and manages to get out of the way of knowing anything except one fact which he somehow gets right despite having his own autobiography. Steff tricks them into releasing her but gets frozen and discuss the birthday prophecy. Kershaw announces it’s time for other characters getting paused by Oscar to belittle him. Wow what a boob! “Oscar”

Steffanie is caught in the layer with the mutants playing duck duck goose grenade works the rules as explained by Kershaw. So they will run round the circle with the grenade and those who left when it explodes will die. What an atrocious rules? Steff throws it into them as she escapes and kills all the mutants except mutant X and he won’t get to recreate his birthday. Hearn has a slow death despite it being 1 minutes before the end of the show. But the cliff hanger! Steffanie becomes a mutant from being lightly touched on the shoulder… DUN DAH DUN!!!

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