It’s been a while. I’m writing to you from the middle of the second wave. This year has changed so many things. And I’m wanting you to remember who you are and hope that the person you become after this craziness. Let’s just reflect on how this year has gone. It started off amazing. You had the perfect job lined up, your business was booming and you had a lot of plans.
There were three things that really made you happy; sports, travel and theatre. In the blink of an eye the theatres were shut, you had to fly home and cancel all your travel plans, miss out on your pole classes and your business, income and new job were pulled away from you. God it sounds so depressing looking at it that way. For one day you were sad but within 3 you had a new job, 2 weeks a teaching certificate and 1 month a brand-new business while maintaining a few clients and made 1 member of parliament cry.
Today was stressful but in the dark comes the light and there was a glimmer of sunshine in the clouds. I felt what it was like to laugh uncontrollably, not think about distances and have actual social interaction. It’s a good thing you are happy with your own company cause your flatmate is the worst person to be stuck with. Please move out as soon as you can. I wanted to make a list of things I hope and wish you will have in the future.
I hope in the future you will have the resilience and drive that got you through and made you even more successful this year from your bedroom; 2 new jobs, 2 new businesses and an intern. I think you have developed a little bit of a workaholic syndrome but it’s letting you save up for your dreams and get through SAD this winter so future you should address that!
I wish that you have the best most fun people around you at the end of all this. Those who drain your energy, tire you out and ware you down are not worth it! Believe me! Let your life be filled with love, laughter, friendship and wine! Also never ever say no to a night out dancing, it’s the best thing in the world.
I hope that you still have the passion that lights the fire in your heart. It’s been 9 months since the last musical you have seen and you haven’t posted. It just isn’t the same. You’ve stopped singing? What’s with that? Where is the musical that you were writing? You’ve got 2 books coming out this year from the wild adventures your crazy mind has taken you to escape. But remember Mila the voice in your head isn’t a sign of being crazy, your confused-on antihistamines! Relight that passion, go experience all the music you can.
I wish that working over the winter will buy you the freedom to go and have all the adventures in the world. If you binging of below deck has shown anything you need to get out there and have fun before the visas end. Go see the world, don’t be afraid of it, you are resilient, you have your languages mostly down. Time is something you can’t get back and don’t let anyone hold you back.
I wish that you will strive to get your fitness goals, lockdown was great for cardio. But honey when it’s hay fever season you can’t go outside without an asthma attack and there is not enough space to workout in your flat. So, get your own gym and start eating right. You need to look after yourself but there will never be enough antipasti. You can do it, don’t eat your feelings. If you can do a year sober you can do anything.
I hope that the cold heart and stern exterior you have built will come down. This exterior has really got you through and taught you not to put up with any crap from fuck boys online. You do not need to shave for anyone let a lone a man demanding it but god is that shite itchy at more than 1 cm. Allow yourself to open yourself up to new opportunities to love and laugh. It will make your life so much better. But you know what it makes you a badass bitch that can get through anything. Just allow yourself to be vulnerable and open before the raging feminist comes out. Let the good crazy come out instead and if folk don’t like it fanny cramp is right there to help you out. Yes, that is her pet name.
Basically, just be you and bring the passion you had before into the new you because all though this year has been tough you have proven how utterly awesome you are.
Love, past you!